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TODAY

"Maury" (9 a.m., WGN-Channel 9): WGN apparently thinks paternitytests pass for entertainment, because it's proudly airing MauryPovich dedicating a whole hour to them, as if it were some kind ofgame show ...

"Jenny Jones" (10 a.m., WGN-Channel 9): ... and the execrableJenny Jones milking a two-parter from the exact same lame, loathsomeshtick.

"The Rosie O'Donnell Show" (noon, WMAQ-Channel 5): After thisfinal rerun of O'Donnell's chatfest, we're going to find out if aRosie by any other name is Caroline Rhea, whose replacement showdebuts at 8 p.m. Monday on WCIU-Channel 26.

"Law & Order Marathon" (6 p.m., A&E): A&E braces itself for losingthe rerun rights of this long-running NBC series to TNT by running a25-hour marathon.

"Hollywood Rocks the Movies: The Seventies" (7 p.m., AmericanMovie Classics): AMC, which has abused the term classics with some ofthe mediocre stuff it has taken to running, enlists David Bowie (whomay be classic, but not American) to host this look at 1970s rockmovies, such as 1984's "This Is Spinal Tap."(Repeated at 5 p.m.Sunday.)

"Larry King Live" (8 p.m., CNN): Gearing up for the big telethon,Jerry Lewis sits down for an hour with Larry, who can be counted onfor a few of those half-laughs that sound like he's clearing histhroat. Expect a discussion of Lewis' health, the Kids, Dean and justhow great Jerry was and is. (Repeated at 11 p.m. and 2 a.m.)

"The Mary Tyler Moore Show Reunion" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Thisslapdash clip show was a disappointment unworthy of the great, greatsitcom it sought to exploit ...

"The Honeymooners 50th Anniversary Celebration" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): ... and so was this, which was even more remarkable,given the source material.

"Tracy Morgan: One Mic" (10 p.m., Comedy Central): Jokes aboutairports? Why hasn't a comedian ever thought of doing that before?What's next? The differences between New York and Los Angeles?(Repeated at 7 p.m. Saturday.)

"Dennis Miller Live" (10:30 p.m., HBO): Vince Vaughn, the pride ofLake Forest High School, joins 400-pound gorilla Miller in his finalHBO show after nine years of rants and raves.

"Late Show With David Letterman" (10:35 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2):Today is Dave's ninth anniversary at CBS. Just thought you would wantto know.

SATURDAY

"Gimme Shelter" (12:50 a.m., American Movie Classics): Welcome tothe breakfast show.

"Dare to Dream 2002" (8 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Billy Bush (nephewof George W.) and Lynda Lopez (sister of Jennifer) host this charityconcert for cancer treatment, taped last month at an Indian casino.

"The Drum Corps International Competition 2002" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Bang a gong. Get it on.

SUNDAY

"Our Greatest Hopes, Our Worst Fears" (12:30 p.m., WLS-Channel 7):It's a look back at the Palestinian terrorists who murdered 11Israeli Olympians at the Munich Games 30 years ago.

"Law & Order Marathon" (4 p.m., TNT): TNT celebrates completelytaking over the old A&E mainstay with 28 back-to-back episodes.

"Forensic Files" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): The 1995 murder of LosAngeles Raiders cheerleader Linda Sobek is recalled.

"Arthur: It's Only Rock 'n' Roll" (7 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): TheBackstreet Boys come to Elwood City on their latest world tour. Noteveryone is as excited by their presence as Muffy is, leading toFrancine forming an "anti-cute, anti-commercial" rival band called UStink in this charming ***1/2 takeoff.

"Third Watch Marathon" (7 p.m., A&E): Four episodes run insuccession. (Repeated at 11 p.m.)

"Caddyshack II" (7 p.m., Comedy Central): You want to be upsetwith Jackie Mason about something? How about this dreadful sequel?

"Avril Lavigne in Concert" (7:30 p.m., Nickelodeon) The Canadianteen prodigy does her thing.

"The Biographer: The Secret Life of Princess Di" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Andrew Morton's efforts to write a Princess Di biographyare chronicled in this film starring Paul McGann, Brian Cox, HughBonneville, Faye Dunaway and the voice of Rachel Preece as Diana.

"Sex and the City" (8 p.m., HBO): Carrie's book tour takes her toSan Francisco and ... Big (Chris Noth). And it's about freaking time!

"Live From Lincoln Center" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Well, it'snot live, it's on tape. But it is a chance to catch the finalperformance of the dance review "Contact," the Tony winner as 2000'sbest musical.

"The 37th Annual Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon for MuscularDystrophy" (10 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): The corporate behemoths line upbehind hosts Jerry, Ed McMahon, Norm Crosby, Wayne Brady, CynthiaGarrett and Jann Carl along with a slew of Vegas acts in theirefforts to raise as much money as they can in 21 hours.

Bears at Miami Dolphins (11:05 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): What's moremeaningless and less interesting than an NFL preseason practice game?How about a rerun of an NFL preseason practice game that's four daysold?